Bittersweet
by CheeseyCraziness
Summary: He loves her, she loves him. In a perfect world, they would be together... But he's Chinese, and she's not. How many bittersweet episodes will they have before someone finally decides to leave? SxS oneshot


Note: This is the original oneshot. SilentCynara will be posting up a lengthened/improved version of her own within a few days, hopefully. This is based on a true story. Enjo, and remember... Reality doesn't always mean a happy ending. Just... bittersweet.

.o0o.

He called me over, a sharp tone in his voice. I winced. Now what was it?

Wistfully I remembered a time when I would have loved to be called by that voice; I recalled days when the sight of him would simply make me melt with joy. Now, it only brought me pain to see him. When had things gone so wrong?

"Meiling-chan," I said, looking at my secretary and friend with a teasing smile. "Whatever he wants, you're taking the heat too."

She sighed and nodded, clicking away a few more times on the computer before she grabbed her files, ready to follow me. She seemed annoyed about something. _No doubt I interrupted her chat with that friend of hers, Tomoyo, _I thought, amused. Meiling was notorious for it.

Meiling followed me into the room. There he sat at his desk, his eyes looking at me in a way I had recently become used to – emotionlessly. My heart wrenched. Once, he had never showed me that expression – only light humor, happiness, honesty, or caring softness. But now, I never saw anything but a reflection of the void in my soul.

"Kinomoto-san, this is unacceptable," he said evenly. I blinked at him, surprised. Was he really going to scold me? In front of not only my own secretary, but his three secretaries? I bit my lip, knowing better than to interrupt. "This section was supposed to go in Lifestyle. Yes, I know it's a new section, but still."

I looked at the newspaper he held in his hands, and my confusion grew. This… He had already approved this page the day before, not once, but twice! And now he was telling me that it was wrong? What was going on?

Meiling muttered, "Sorry, Li-san, but I think you're talking to the wrong person. Naoko-chan instructed us to arrange it in this manner."

With a cringe, I desperately wished that she hadn't said that. Why, oh, why couldn't Meiling just keep quiet for once? She really needed to learn how to control her temper.

He glared not at her, but at me. There was a message I couldn't read in his eyes. "It's still unacceptable. We just can't have these kinds of slip-ups here. This is the third time. Do you understand? This is a newspaper that sells, and the layout has to be right for people to keep buying."

"Sorry to interrupt again, Li-san," Meiling began again – I wanted knock her on the head. "But really, you should speak with Naoko-chan."

His look silenced Meiling. I watched as the girl sighed, and glanced at me, showing me her barely concealed annoyance. I looked back at him.

"Kinomoto-san, next time this happens, I don't think I'll be able to let you off very easily."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, just fix it!"

I stared at him for several moments.

He had never done this before. Turned cold on me, yes, but yell at me? He was hurting me. After so many years of being sweet to me, making me slowly fall in love with him, after so many years of becoming scared and cold, and pushing me away, only to return to his kind self soon after, it was working. Didn't he realize that it was working? That at last, I was being pushed over the edge?

I looked down at the floor. "I will, Li-san." I could taste the bitterness in my voice.

_How many times will I wonder – why can't we be?_

"You may go," he said, turning around with one last frozen glare.

I had to leave. I scurried away as fast as I could, ignoring the questioning, almost worried look of my secretary. My feet took me to the bathroom, where I looked in the mirror.

They say mirrors that what you see in a mirror is the truth. What did I see? A heartbroken young woman, her mind and world in chaos.

_That's who I am. Sakura. Just an ordinary woman, really, but in so much pain; living life with a nice boyfriend who wants to marry me, but I doesn't love him at all; I love my boss! Of all people, I love him, the one person out of my reach. He is my boss, a Chinese instead of Japanese, a rich first son… We're separated. It just can't work. And yet I fell for him anyway. Pathetic. Yes, that's who I am, I'm just pathetic._

I'd had enough of it, and enough of _him_. The constant emotional roller coaster that had so long plagued my life – I wanted to end it for good.

So that day, I made a promise to myself. I would accept my boyfriend's proposal. We would marry, even if I didn't really love my boyfriend. But better to have somebody in my life, even if I don't love them, then to have nobody or to have to continue living with such constant heartache.

And as for him…

I furiously wiped away a tear, staring at myself in the mirror. No. I will not cry! Not over this! I'm past this from here on out.

As for him…

I need to move on. Because if I love him any longer, I'll never be free.

I took a small ring out of my pocket. It was nothing fancy, really. Simply a little silvery band of metal. But it had so much more meaning. Wearing it would mean the end of my dreams, the end of my love, but it would also mean the end of my suffering.

Closing my eyes, as though I couldn't bear to watch, I slipped the ring over my finger. A tear escaped my control, falling down my cheek.

_So, and though it kills me to say it, goodbye._

_Find a fiancée who loves you as much as I did; have a good happy life, not a broken one like mine._

_Goodbye, Syaoran. Whatever we had, and I still don't know what it was… We're through. I'm done playing games with you, letting you play with my heart._

_It's over. _


End file.
